she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
