sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
