do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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