cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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