That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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