dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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