My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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