Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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