You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
