Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
