your room smells of hookers.
And success
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
