Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
