i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
