I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
