so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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