dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
