And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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