Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
