Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
