Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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