Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
