She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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