if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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