I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
