I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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