I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
