Too much gin, very little bucket
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
