There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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