He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
