this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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