My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
