Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
