I could make wine with my vomit
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck me I smell like cheese
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
