honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she told me i tasted like america
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
