I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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