...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
