I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
