You're my little dorito
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
