no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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