Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
