You're my little dorito
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
