Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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