i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
