i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
