who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
