Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
