Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
