this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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