Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
