Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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