I think scott just propositioned me for sex
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
