chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
