yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
