I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
