i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
