oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize