ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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