What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
