He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
