I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
