any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry my hands just texted you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
