meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
