Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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