Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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