I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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