he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
