Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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