If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
