Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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