Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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