my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
