yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
