I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
