she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
