the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
