I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
