So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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