is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
