THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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