fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
