if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
