Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
