Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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