??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
