We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
