hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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