The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize