We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
