I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
