Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
